A Slow Fade

“Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37:4

Did you read that? Try reading that verse again – but this time a little slower. Now, savor those words, keep them dear to your heart from now on, and recite them as needed. Let’s make that our verse of the week. It’s a promise out of the many in the Bible that God made to us – to you.


By the time you’re reading this I hope to be laying up on the beach in another state with my son and soaking up some Vitamin D. A much needed break away from the chaos of this world – a breather.

So this particular blog is going to get even more real. Even more deep. Even more personal. I have already let it be known that at a point in my life a few years ago, I left God’s protection to seek after my own will. I am going to share my testimony in increments throughout my blog for a reason. You may not understand it right now, but that’s okay. Let’s just say there is a lesson to be learned in every piece.

Rewind to my senior year of high school.

17-year old Alicia was excited. About to graduate from the #1 high school in my state after a long 4 years of emotional hardships, deaths in my family, and battling with my own health. I was finally leaving home to move into my apartment at a local university an hour away. What could go wrong? I was close to my church, I was getting some freedom, and I was ready to minister to my campus. So many opportunities. My eyes were on the cross.

So I graduate and settle in on campus. First month of classes are going superb and my roommate is even attending church with me. How awesome is that? I had just turned 18, everything was right in the world, and then out of nowhere… it happened.

I met a guy.

{Not to say anything is wrong with meeting  a guy or girl in college, but bear with me- especially if you are a young single. You are going to want to get this.}

I met a guy who was interested in me. Honestly, it was instant attraction. Before coming to college I had prayed and prepared for everything else, but this – this was new territory for even me. After years of being faithful to God, the devil had finally found a chink (weakness) in my armor.

If you know me personally, then you probably already know I lost both my dad (to cancer) and one of my brothers (to murder) in high school. So there was an unknown void in my heart yet still for a manly love and appreciation in my life. That was the one area I had not yet allowed God to touch and heal and that made me vulnerable.

The guy and I begin to meet up since he went to another nearby university.  I will leave out all personal names in my testimony because I am not here to condemn anyone neither lift up any name except Jesus. He told me he too was a Christian and loved God. {I would later find out he was a senior basketball star known for his reputation after it was too late.} One night, he invited me over. Okay, cool. Well, not really cool. Something was stirring in my spirit. God was already sending warnings and red flags, but I went anyway. I was cocky in my faith and will-power. I believed that I could control what God was already telling me to flee from. Let’s just say that very night, I lost a piece of myself. I was robbed of something precious and dear. I had let my guard down. I went back to my apartment feeling worthless and used. What I thought would win love actually destroyed me emotionally – and soon to follow spiritually.

Now, let’s take a pause here for this week. I am going to let it be known right now that I feel no shame in my testimony. God has already set me free, washed me clean, and did all the forgiving way before I even thought about sharing these moments in my life with the public. My past cannot be used against me. Why? God has already given me victory over it. 

Here’s what devil does – and what he has been doing since Adam and Eve, if not longer – he deceives. He’ll make things and situations look promising to people who are spiritually vulnerable and once you’ve gotten so caught up you realize he did not sell you the full picture. He never shows you the consequences. Just like when the devil tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden and she ate of the forbidden tree (Genesis 3:1-7). She did not physically die immediately just as Satan had promised, but something bigger happened by her choice to listen to Satan. She along with Adam introduced sin into the world and now they would know physical death. Satan had left the most important part out. See, when the devil finds place in our minds and shows us the pleasure of sin, it is always the right now and the temporary. Never the deep emotional scars to come with them.

“No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”

2 Corinthians 11:14 

Now, when God makes promises to us they are the exact opposite – true, full of love, and straight-forward. No gimmicks.

I had been caught up in the idea of someone actually loving me, but it was not love at all. It was well-disguised lust and a void in my heart I wanted filled by a man that only God could make whole. I did not realized how low my self-esteem was in that area of my life until much later. I will be sharing the after effects of my choice at another time. There’s much more to share in various areas.

Listen to me… If you are currently seeking after God and are single or even dating, I encourage you to cling to God and make sure your potential partner has a relationship with your Heavenly Father as well. A real and genuine love for Jesus Christ.It will be evident in the things they say, do, and how they encourage you to do the things of God. If they are pushing for anything else, let them go. The Bible says we are not suppose to fight temptation but flee from it. This is going to save you from a lot of pain, headaches, and heartaches in the future.

The Bible says:

“14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, d they will be my people.’

17 Therefore, ‘Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.’

18 And,’I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.'”

2 Corinthians 6:14-18

Many times when it comes to dating an unbeliever or spiritually dead Christian we try to convince ourselves that we can convert them or make them more righteous as we date. And even thought that sounds good and all, it’s a trap my friend. Let God first work through their lives. You can be supportive as a loving friend though that time, but intermingling with someone romantically who does not understand your beliefs and dedication to God will try to convince you that breaking a few rules aren’t so bad. That is when you look them square in the eye and say, “Get thee behind me Satan.” Lol. Okay, you don’t have to call them Satan, but you do need to draw the line and once they try to cross your boundaries again let them go. Nothing or no one is worth losing your soul over.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”

1 Corinthians 6:18

I write my posts not to judge people or tell you what do with your life. But to spiritually be accountable for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I want you to live. I want you to avoid as much unnecessary pain as possible in this life and your spiritual walk. I love you dearly. I want to hug you right now through the very screen you’re reading this on.

I too thought I could handle it. Take this and apply it to all forms of temptation in your life that the devil pushes. It can be cursing, alcohol, drugs, pornography, abortion,etc. We will get to those topics soon enough because somebody has to be spiritually real about these forbidden topics.

The devil will encourage you to sin and then right after he’ll accuse you and condemn you of being a sinner. He’ll make you feel like dirt and lie by saying God cannot use you now. He’s the ultimate bully. If you’ve already fallen for a sin that is still eating you up inside, hindering you from walking in truth, and you’re still beating yourself up about it night after night, secretly not wanting people to know of your deep pains, God says just repent and he is just and faithful to forgive. I want to pray with you right now.

Let us pray:

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for your love mercy and grace. Thank you for you guidance, friendship, and unconditional love. I pray that anyone taking part in this prayer right now begin to eliminate the things and persons in their life that they know  are not of You. We repent of our sins – both the known and forgotten. We turn away from the things that hinder us in our walk with You. We wish only to please You and lift Your name. Oh, Jehovah-Nissi we live in a world where everyday evil is being called good and good is being called evil. I ask that you provide us the strength to stand firm in You and to resist and give no place to the devil. I prat that we may cling to you in the testing times of our lives. For you did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind. Yeshua (Jesus), we give this world to You. Cover us in your blood. Watch over us as we continue to go about our day. We love you now and forever.

In Jesus’ Mighty Name.

Amen. {Hallelujah.}

It’s a slow fade. I just did not sin all of a sudden one day. It’s the moments that lead up to it that are detrimental. When you stop praying and talking to God like you used to, begin to no longer find joy or fellowship at church, have no desire to pick up God’s word (The Bible) anymore, and you are so self-absorbed that you are weakening yourself spiritually and do not even know it. And when that big test comes and temptation is staring you in face you are easily overtaken. This is war. Spoiler alert: God has already won. But until He returns you need to be guarding your soul and surrounding yourself with other believers. Keep your armor on and stay in God’s presence at all costs. I leave you all with these verses this week:

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.”

1 Corinthians 16:13

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.”

Ephesians 6:11

Peace and blessings,

           Alicia – The Prodigal Daughter

P.S. See you all next Wednesday! I love you and feel free to message me anytime. I will never judge you or share what we speak about.

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